Dear Peter

It began with the continued heat wave, heat indexes climbing to 110. As per my new routine, I filled the bird feeders and went back inside. The dogs want to spend about 5 nano seconds out before they are back in front of the fans.

I looked out the window, and there was a squirrel on one of the feeders. I let the dogs out to give the squirrel a good chase, and saw the squirrel was caught in the V of two hanging poles that held the feeders. The dogs leaped at the squirrel’s tail, tried to grab him, and I by some miracle got them to “leave it” and come back inside.

As you and I both know, this would have been the time I would have called out to you, PETER CAN YOU FREE THIS SQUIRREL?! And you would have assessed the situation, and gone out to do squirrel rescue.

But of course, you weren’t here. And I faced the what the heck do I do? I momentarily thought of a Google search, but how many squirrels are caught in two poles on which hang bird feeders? I considered calling the Wildlife Rescue but in the heat and the stress by the time they got here I wasn’t sure the squirrel would be alive.

I watched the squirrel try to free itself, flipping up and down, slipping on the pole, literally trapped and desperate. After five minutes of watching I decided to attempt to cut the squirrel’s toenail from the pole. Not his foot, just his long nail. I grabbed two kitchen knives (one long, one short) a pair of gloves, and went out to do surgery…I talked to the squirrel as I approached, but it freaked out even more. It was not going to let me get close enough to cut that nail loose.

Maybe I could throw a towel over it, like putting a blindfold on a horse to lead it out of a burning barn. I considered holding it with one gloved hand but I had on fleece gloves, I knew I would need something more substantial like leather or your fireplace gloves.

Could I find your fireplace gloves or your big leather gloves…nope.

I finally walked around the pole to get a better view of his stuck claw and that’s when I realized you had tied the two shepherd hook poles together. All I had to do was jiggle one pole a centimeter or two….in a flash the squirrel was free and racing off to the trees. I don’t know who exhaled more: me or the squirrel.

Suddenly there was a crash, as the thin wire you used to wrap the poles together snapped. Whether from my jiggling or the squirrel’s desperate attempts to escape or both, one feeder came crashing to the ground as the pole it had been on slipped to the height of my knee. I picked the feeder off the ground and said, “screw it.” When Travis gets back from vacation next week, I’ll let him jerry rig it back together as you would have done.

Got a call the following day from the daughter our hay man, Mike, to tell me he passed away. I had just put in my hay order with him the beginning of July. Heart failure, he was 75.

It knocked me for a loop, Peter. I have been buying hay from Mike for 40 years. I kind of fell apart all over again.

Two days later Calvin and I met at the DMV to get permanent farm tags on your truck. That’s when he told me his cancer had returned. As you know he has been in remission for five years. I am overwhelmed with this news and without you here to be my anchor I feel like my life is totally unmoored.

A storm swept through bringing much needed rain and then the wind came. It was not a normal thunderstorm wind, it was more violent, the trees outside shook, I was so scared I went to the middle of the house next to the bathroom with the dogs, afraid to be near any windows. By some miracle we didn’t lose power, although I had my flashlight in hand just in case.

When the tempest passed, I turned on the outside lights: everywhere were tree branches, the lilies lay flat on the ground as if a giant had stepped on them. The next morning I couldn’t get out of the driveway because it was littered with walnut tree limbs. I speed-dialed Calvin, who came with his chain saw.

I walked slowly to the garden, hoping everything was okay….it wasn’t. Your four cannabis plants who resemble large bushes at this point had blown over. Tomato plants and cages lay on the muddy ground, ripening fruit smashed like small red pies. Only the peppers, and melons were untouched by the storm.

I found a ladder and propped one cannabis plant up, but couldn’t find any poles for the others. Limbs had broken on several of the cannabis plants. I know how sad you would have been to see it.

Thankfully Calvin had some rebar in the back of the truck, and we ended up tying up all four plants with rebar and twine. Hopefully the leaves will dry out and we won’t get bud rot or powdery mildew.

Lost another chicken, my favorite, Thelma. Looks like the fox got her outside the blacksmith shop where she sleeps with her sister, Louise. Now we are down to two hens: Frau and Louise. I don’t know that I could feel any more incompetent.

Horses have been managing surprisingly well in the heat. I’ve started giving them hay in the evening as the weeds are taking over. With the rain I hope the grasses come back, and we can mow the weeds down. We will need to re-seed in the spring.

I don’t know what I want tomorrow to look like, or the day after, or the day after that.

One door closes, one door opens, right? All these doors that have closed, are closing and I have no idea where the new doors are, or what they bring.